Just for the hell of it, I encourage you to screw with the “barister partners” of your one-and-only neighborhood coffee shop (since that coffee shop undoubtedly ran off all the independent & individually owned coffee shops that dotted your neighborhood before the Plague of Seattle was unleashed upon the world). Here are some of my favorites:

• Refuse to use their branded size terminology; instead order everything as either a small, medium or large.
• Insist on a receipt if you pay cash.
• Bring your own mug from home to have filled. Then make sure you receive the 10¢ discount. (It’s even better if your mug is branded with a competitor’s logo.)
• If ordering in, insist on a ceramic mug. There should be some discount for that as well; make sure to insist on it.
• Ask about their recycling policy. Where does all that paper and plastic end up?
• If the “barister partner” is foolish enough to make suggestions to you having no idea as to your tastes, allow him/her to run through his/her spiel, wrinkling your face in disgust at every suggestion. Then order what you were going to order in the first place. Or better yet: exclaim that you’re no longer in the mood for something from their menu.
• Ask about their refill policy.
• When ordering tea, always let them know it’s because their coffee tastes so bad.
• No matter how much you enjoy the music, complain that that awful noise is too loud and that you can’t study/read/talk.
• Ask how much of their profit goes to the poor coffee bean farmer in the Third World. Ask them to justify their prices. Then ask them how much their corporate graphic designer earns. Again, ask them to justify their prices.

Oh, the list could go on and on. Please make sure to contribute! I’m hoping that this pastime is passed on from generation to generation much like trying to get the guards at Buckingham Palace to smile. Except here, we’re trying to crack open wide the corporate mind as well as destroy its so-called culture.