Yes! I’ve finally found the answer to that age-old question: What do most of my friends suffer from? I, of course, suffer from delusions of entitlement, thinking I’m somehow entitled to better friends than these….

Here is a short list of questions & comments I should’ve had the balls to voice over the weekend:

• So, you’re sending your 3-year-old son off to preschool this fall for socialization; when are you going to do that for your 36-year-old husband?
• So, you were at the bookstore at midnight to buy a copy of the latest J.K. Rowland children’s book. If you like Harry Potter, you’ll love Georges Bataille’s Story of the Eye!
• A typical conversation works like this: a) I ask you a question; b) you answer and then ask me a question; c) I answer. That way we all have a chance to talk about how interesting we are. Your solipsistic soliloquy is not that interesting to those of us who are infinitely more interesting than you.
• How appropriate is it to monopolize the conversation, constantly turning it back to marriage and children, when you’re having a conversation with divorcees, gays, and an Indian man not yet in the confines of an arranged marriage?

Thank god I don’t work with them!