Yeah, this shit was left on my answering machine Saturday. My commentary is in brackets.
Hello. Crime, education & homosexuality are the three hot issues in the mayor’s race Saturday, June 16th. [Actually, the hottest issue of the Dallas mayoral election is to keep douche bag Tom Leppert out of City Hall.] Did you know that the crime rate in Ed Oakley’s city council district is eight times higher than the rest of the city? His district also has one of the highest dropout rates among residents. [The use of such statistics only obviates the real issue while revealing Leppert’s “classist” (that is, elitist) and racist bent. I can only assume that if elected, he will tear down all bridges that connect downtown to the southern sector. (And yes, I meant that figuratively as well as literally.) His views on South Dallas/Oak Cliff are just as bent. Check out this website for a little background.] And the Dallas Morning News reported that Ed Oakley would be the first openly gay large-city mayor. [First off, that is non-issue, especially in this election. Secondly: ’bout fuggin’ time, I says. Who cares that Ed’s a big ‘mo’: he’s experienced and has proven to be a leader, the kind of leader that this shithole town needs.]
We encourage your vote for Tom Leppert—a Christian, married, father of three children. [It’s easy to get lost down the rabbit hole (not warren, but ass) of this “logic”: “Christian” and “homosexual” are not mutually exclusive categories, as evidenced by the largest gay Christian church in the world sitting on the other side of town. I guess Tom ignores the north side as well.] For more information, go to www.isuckthedevilsteet.com. That’s www.isuckthedevilsteet.com. This call was paid for Heritage Alliance PAC. [Of course, some of the most revealing anagrams of “Heritage Alliance” include “Alienate Each Girl,” “Ethical Reel Again,” “Cheater Nag Ail Lie,” and my two favorites: “Eager Anal Itch Lie” and “Anal Rage Lie Ethic”. I don’t know if this is important; I’m just saying.] Thanks, and have a great day.
I’m beginning to see the sense in firebombing telecommunication networks if not headquarters of fascist organizations. I mean for fuck’s sake: I have paid to be put on do-not-call lists so I wouldn’t be harassed by telemarketers but campaigners for Satan himself can still call and peddle their political shlock and version of salvation?!?! Instead of trekking down the stony path of a terrorist, I decided to merely blog my frustration. I hope you’ve enjoyed.
Oh, and if you’re interested, you can call Heritage Alliance at 214.348-2220. Go nuts!