When Stalin was in power, the preferred method for getting rid of him was the biological solution: someday, no matter how far in the future, the bastard would have to drop dead. Today, all thinking and feeling human beings can collectively sigh in relief that yet another bastard has bitten the dust.
Jesse Helms’ lackluster legacy during his 52 years in public disservice includes fighting civil rights, human rights, women’s rights, reproductive rights, gender and race equality, art, aid to developing nations, humanitarian relief, the general public of Cuba, economic rights, social safety nets such as welfare for poor Americans, as well as AIDS research and treatment. The list could go on.
In honor of his sweet, blessed death today, let us all look deep within our hearts to see what we—unlike Helms—can do to actually make our world a better place. And while we’re at it, let’s take one last peek at Helms’ greatest fear of all: 
Even Dr. Freud would agree that sometimes a black penis is just a black penis. There’s no reason for such alarm.