In so many ways, the 80s ended last night, June 2nd, around 8:15pm, after tuning in to NBC’s Hit Me Baby One More Time to see what A Flock of Seagulls was up to these days. I immediately got up from the couch and washed the gel out of my hair for the last time. And I ran. I ran so far away.

Answer me this: why did the only new wave band have to be the worst act?

[Meta-blogging ahead]: This site has taken a turn for the worse: it’s more about shitty politicians than me. To remedy this _____ [problem/waste of time/insanity], I’ve decided to spend the next few lines writing solely about me and the things that make me happy.

My favorite I Love Lucy episode is #149. You know the one, when they’re in Italy and Lucy keeps trying to call Little Ricky because it’s his birthday, but because of the time difference and the broken elevator and the rude woman on the phone, she keeps missing her chance. Instead, she plans a birthday party for all the little Italian urchins who claim that “she’s a-my birthday too, Signora!”

My favorite Simpsons episode is “The Crepes of Wrath” from the first season. Bart is “deported” to France and loses his red cap to the mule Maurice: “Un chapeau rouge pour toi, Maurice!” His host family treats him vilely, making him sleep on the bare floor and using him to see if their mixture of wine and antifreeze is too strong. In the end, Bart is fluent in French and is able to alert the authorities.

My favorite painter is Egon Schiele. I especially like his self-portraits.

My dream job is to be a professor in Berlin or achieve at least cult status as a writer.

I have studied eight languages: English, Spanish, Russian, Polish, Czech, Japanese, Ukrainian, and now Latin. I am/was fluent in English, Polish, Japanese, and Ukrainian, and I can read Spanish fairly well. Now I rarely speak English and much less the others.

Now that I’m stumped as to what to write about myself and even more bored, maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all!